BOOK SUMMARIES

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Book:  Atomic Attraction

Author:  Christopher Canwell

Purchase:  Print | eBook | Audiobook

Citation:  Canwell, C. (2019). Atomic attraction: the psychology of attraction. Stamford, CT: Rampage Books.

Three Big Takeaways:
 
  1. Women are looking for significantly fewer physical qualities compared to men when selecting a mate. Women tend to focus more on a man's behavior, personality, and attitude as a measure of attraction as opposed to his physical attributes. Women are looking for signs of strength and confidence. Every decision a woman makes concerning attraction comes back to one crucial point: can you provide her with strong, healthy children? A woman is constantly considering, at a subconscious level, the strength of her date’s DNA and his ability to create strong, healthy offspring. (pg. 3)
     

  2. If your objective is to go out into the world and meet beautiful women, location is key. A man who lives in isolation will find it difficult to meet, date, and seduce women. If you're currently struggling to meet quality women, it may be time to consider the importance of location in your life. Meeting and dating women is not a question of resources, money, or prestige – it's simply a matter of access. As you read this, there are literally millions of women out there in the world who would be willing to date you and have an intimate relationship with you. The only thing that prevents you from meeting these women is access. You can't date someone if you can't meet them. (pg. 58)
     

  3. Research into body language found that women use certain nonverbal cues to signal their interest in availability to men. These body-language cues can be broken down into five steps: Eye Contact: the woman makes eye contact with the man, letting him know that she's noticed him. Once a woman makes eye contact with you, you're much more likely to get a positive response if you approach her. Smile: also referred to as the invitation, the moment a woman smiles at you she's letting you know that she likes what she sees and she's inviting you to come and talk to her. Communication: when you approach a woman before she's either seen you or smiled at you, you're playing a numbers game. Preening: this is the stage where a woman lets you know whether she's attracted to you or not. The woman preens herself to advertise her interest and encourage you to escalate the seduction. She blushes when talking, touches her neck and throat, giggles and laughs, she licks her lips, she plays with her hair and strokes it. Touch: The woman touches you to signal interest and to let you know that she’s happy for you to take the interaction further. (pg. 81) 

     

Other Key Ideas:

You've just been introduced to a man whose body is muscular and athletic. You look at this man and you're immediately impressed by his physique. His body looks primed as though ready to explode. When the man speaks, he has your immediate respect, because his presence sends a clear message: I'm worthy of respect. Simply by looking at this man you get a clear sense of his personality and character. You know for a fact that he's hardworking, focused, and persistent. After all, you don't build a strong body by being lazy, lying around on the couch, eating pizza all day. This man respects himself and his body. One of the best ways to display good genes in a healthy reproductive capacity is to develop a strong, muscular body. Women rate men with muscular physiques as more attractive and desirable. The man with the muscular physique projects strength, health, and good genes. Women aren't just more attracted to men who are muscular; women are more likely to chase and pursue muscular men to have romantic relationships. (pg. 11)

If you're unsure about what kind of hairstyle works best for you, it's better to lean on the side of caution and keep your hair short to project a more masculine image. If you want to grow your hair long, you can add a touch of masculinity by letting your facial hair grow out. Spending too much time grooming your hair and you leave the vast majority of women feeling uninspired and disinterested. Men with heavy stubble or a beard were not only rated more masculine and assertive, they were also rated as healthier and more attractive. A study found that heavy stubble is the most attractive facial hair a man can grow – this is around 10 days worth of growth. Facial hair is not only correlated with maturity and masculinity, it's also correlated with high levels of dominance and assertiveness. (pg. 15)

Unlike women who are judged mostly on their physical appearance, a man's attractiveness is based on a combination of skill, appearance, confidence, status, and experience. Women will often choose to be with an older man who is more likely to be fun and possess greater experience and wisdom. And while most men don't hit their prime until they're in their thirties or forties, a lot of men are already out of shape and physically unattractive by this age. In contrast, men who work out on a regular basis and eat healthy food can stay in excellent shape well into their 40s, 50s, and 60s. If you look after yourself and remain young at heart, don't be surprised if you're still dating young and attractive women well into middle age. It's not uncommon for high-status men in their fifties and sixties to date young, beautiful women in their 30s. (pg. 27)

If you want to keep a younger woman attracted to you, you must exude masculine traits like leadership, confidence, and decisiveness. Where younger men are known for their indecisiveness, an older man must stand out with his years of experience, strength, and confidence. If a woman senses uncertainty and weakness, then she'll pull away from you and look for a man who's stronger and more confident. The same applies if you try to seek reassurance from a woman about whether or not she loves you and is attracted to you. It's not uncommon for confident, attractive men to become weak and insecure the moment they start dating a young woman. These men worry that the relationship is too good to be true and it's only a matter of time before their partner realizes she's dating an old man. Men who successfully date younger women never focus on age. Instead, they keep the relationship light, fun, and relax, and they never try to lock a woman into commitment before she's ready. (pg. 28)

Money doesn't make a man more attractive and desirable. Instead, it's the qualities and character traits that make a man wealthy that women find attractive, not the money itself. Unless a man inherits his wealth, a wealthy man is more likely to be intelligent, determined, focused, strong, and confident. The man's wealth is a form of social proof. Women are also attracted to men who exhibit unrealized potential and ambition. (pg. 44)

If you're weak around women, even if you're rich, successful, and handsome, women will lose attraction to you. If a woman smells weakness, she'll pull away. Having this “alpha” mindset is a trait that's mostly developed over time through conscious effort and awareness. If you choose the strongest course of action in all areas of life, it won't be long before you project an alpha mindset without even thinking about it. At first, adopting an alpha mindset is a conscious decision, but over time this thought process becomes a natural part of who you are. The alpha male makes it clear that he's interested in a woman and that he would love nothing more than to be intimate with her. This is a truth that few men dare to speak. If you want to be intimate with a woman, let her know without worrying about rejection. Alpha males feel so confident because they don't rely on others for validation. Women are unable to rattle him or affect his confidence in any way. The alpha male also lives in a state of abundance. If a woman rejects him, it's no big deal. There are plenty more fish in the sea. (pg. 50)

Nightclubs and bars are two of the worst places to meet women. Even if you exchange phone numbers, there's a good chance that woman will still flake on you. Somewhat counter-intuitively, some of the best opportunities to meet women can be had during the day when a woman's guard is down. You don't have to compete for her attention, and she doesn't have to worry about what her friends think as she tries to have a conversation with you over blaring music. (pg. 60)

You can't seduce a woman if you don't talk to her. You might see an attractive woman in the park, but if you only look at her, you'll do nothing to establish a connection or build rapport. Your ability to connect with women on an emotional level allows you to take the interaction into the realm of the physical and beyond. Women crave emotional connection, yet many men are still too timid and apprehensive when it comes to opening up the channel of communication, waiting instead for the perfect moment. There is, of course, no such thing as a perfect moment. There are only opportunities – opportunities that are taken and opportunities that are missed. (pg. 66)

A great approach is one of the most important elements of seduction. When a confident man approaches a woman, he makes her feel attractive and alive. In the world of seduction, there's no greater aphrodisiac than confidence. And such, the direct approach is the strongest and most attractive form of an introduction you can make. The confident man knows there's no such thing as a woman who's out of his league. A man with sufficient sexual market value can effectively pursue any woman no matter how attractive or unattainable she might appear to be – all that's required is the right approach. (pg. 68)

A lot of men assume that women don't want to be approached and hit on. Yes, women don't want to be hit on in a crude orange flattering way. Women also don't want to be hit on by unattractive men. A woman will be flattered if a man with high sexual market value approaches her. As previously mentioned, women are biologically wired to receive men, they just want to be approached by the right kind of men. Women want you to take the initiative and start a conversation. You must revel in the fact that seduction is filled with anxiety and tension for the ability to overcome this anxiety is what separates you from other men. (pg. 74)

Men who look women directly in the eye, especially while communicating, or perceived to be more intelligent, confident, and attractive than men who fail to maintain eye contact or only used limited eye contact. (pg. 86)

When a woman looks at you and gives you a coy smile, she is, without a doubt, expressing her interest and openly inviting you to come and talk to her. Any approach you make after a woman has made eye contact with you will not only be welcomed, it will be expected. A confident man knows how to use his eyes to catch a woman's attention. When a woman looks deep into your eyes, it's tempting to look away or be the first to break eye contact. Resist this initial temptation to shift your gaze elsewhere instead, break the tension and draw her in with the soft smile. (pg. 90)

The first message you send to a woman should be a feeler message. At this point, all you're trying to do is figure out if the woman is interested in you. Your first message to a woman should be something simple along the lines of, “Hey, it was nice to meet you.” You're not inquiring as to how she's doing or appearing too interested at this point. As always, it's important to cultivate an aura of mystery and suspense. Most men remain ignorant of the fact that a longer message only makes them look more responsive and thus more desperate. This does nothing to raise a woman's attraction or cultivate an aura of mystery. If a woman is interested in you, she'll be in touch. Only when a woman responds to your initial message, should you respond with some light-hearted banter before using this as an opportunity to ask her out on a date. If a woman is unable to meet up with you, it's important to remain unaffected by her response. You should never display too much interest in a woman too soon to preserve your value and create an aura of mystery. (pg. 108) 

Attraction grows in space, not in close proximity. If you want to raise a woman's attraction for you, you first need to get her thinking about you. Being less responsive is one way to accomplish this. What you say, how you say it, how long your messages are, how frequently you send messages, who initiates first, and how fast you respond communicates either weakness or strength. If you're over responsive and too available, you communicate weakness. (pg. 116)

After you've had one or two successful dates with a woman, don't be in a rush to see her again too soon. Patience is a virtue. You must give a woman time to miss you. If you try to draw a woman in too soon, there's a good chance you'll scare her away. You must allow a woman to pull away from you, then come back when she's ready. If you try to set a date too soon, you risk snapping the line and losing the woman forever. (pg. 120)

The first time a woman flakes, a simple message saying, “No problem, let me know when you are free” should suffice. If a woman flakes more than twice, you must walk away from her and never contact her again unless she reaches out first. This also lets the woman know that you aren't going to chase her because you don't care if you see her or not. (pg. 127)

While you might hold the position that it's mean or rude to go no contact on a woman – that somehow you might hurt her feelings – you must focus on what works as opposed to what's nice if you want to build attraction. Going no contact is one of the best ways to get a woman focused on you and restore fading interest. Going no contact means a woman must reach out to you first. It might take an hour, it might take a day, it might take a week, it might even take a month. Regardless how long it takes, you must wait for a woman to get in touch with you before you send her any more messages. When a woman reaches out, she's letting you know that she misses you and she's thinking about you. If you have the strength and confidence to give a woman space, she'll come back to you every time. (pg. 129)

Don't attempt to kiss a woman in public or smother her with excessive touching. Doing so will only ruin the seduction and build resistance. Your goal, as with all seductions, is to be patient and build the fire of attraction into a raging inferno. When you touch a woman's hand, forearm, shoulder, or back, you put her at ease and give her a sense of comfort. (pg. 159)

Holding a woman's hand, hugging, and embracing is more closely aligned with needy, clingy behavior. Initiate this too much and the woman will come to think that you need her more than she needs you. Once this realization sets in, the woman's attraction for you will inevitably fade. The secure and confident man never seeks a woman's touch for comfort or validation. (pg. 161)

Men should refrain from chasing commitment. The moment you ask a woman that one fatal question: “Are we boyfriend and girlfriend” is the moment she starts to question your masculinity. A woman will let you know when she wants to have a relationship with you; there's no need to chase commitment. If you try to rush the seduction process, you're forcing a woman to feel emotions for you that she's not yet ready to feel. Your role as a man is to interact with a woman in a fun and relaxed way. When a woman's ready to commit to you, she'll let you know. If you try to chase a woman into love and commitment, a woman will lose attraction for you and pull away. (pg. 169)

An attractive man doesn't rely on gimmicks and gifts to lure a woman into his life because he knows his presence is the gift, not the Tiffany necklace. Only the weak and insecure man feels the need to buy gifts and a desperate attempt to win a woman's approval. The only time you should consider buying gifts for women is on occasions where a woman deserves it and least expects it. An unexpected gift is much more appreciated and valued for his receive a surprise and gratitude and never take it for granted (pg. 218)