BOOK SUMMARIES

Screen Shot 2021-12-21 at 9.25.02 PM.png

Book:  Conversation Casanova

Author:  Dave Perrotta

Purchase:  Print | eBook | Audiobook

Citation:  Perrotta, D. (2016). Conversation Casanova : how to effortlessly start conversations and flirt like a pro. Charleston, South Carolina: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.

Three Big Takeaways:
 
  1. If you have a positive mindset like, “All women are attracted to me until proven otherwise,” you'll talk to women like she's attracted to you. In doing so, you'll be more flirtatious, confident, and natural. You're far more likely to move the conversation towards what you want. Remember: your mindsets dictate your thoughts, your thoughts dictate your actions, and your actions dictate your results. (pg. 23)
     

  2. Remember, you must assume attraction from all women until proven otherwise. Until proven otherwise, I mean until she literally walks away or flat-out tells you she's not interested. Is she dressed nice? It's because she's trying to impress you. She's playing with her hair? She's into you. She's standing good with good posture? It's because she wants you to notice her. Compare this to the innocent until proven guilty nice guy approach. This guy writes off all those signs. Oh she's playing with her hair? She must just be adjusting it. She made eye contact with me? Oh, she probably has a boyfriend. When you see and interact with women you're interested in, you must treat them like you're going to date them and bring them home. (pg. 38)
     

  3. Use the following: "I know this is random and we just met, but you have a really fun/interesting vibe. We should grab a drink this week or next." If she accepts, you're in. Pull out your phone, and tell her to put her number into your phone. If she says no or gives you an excuse, you can say, “No worries, just take it as a compliment” and leave the conversation. (pg. 74)

     

Other Key Ideas:​
 

You don't need to be rich, great looking, or have a great job to meet and attract women. But you do need to have the right mindset, the confidence to approach and start conversations, and the ability to communicate sexually. (pg. 17)

If you have a bad mindset, it won't matter how successful you are with women. The second you get a negative signal from a girl, it can trigger a downward spiral. That's because your confidence and self-worth will be dependent on the approval of women. But with a good mindset, you can brush things off more easily and move on. What's more, you're far more likely to say the right things in conversation. (pg. 23)

Women are attracted to men with purpose: a driving goal, propelling them forward despite the obstacles. Men with purpose don't depend on women's approval. A man with purpose isn't affected by a bad conversation or two. Women know when they're talking to men with purpose because these men have a different look in their eyes. They know where they're going in a world where so many people are lost. (pg. 35)

By assuming attraction, you'll give yourself the best chance with women and every interaction. Assuming attraction won’t make women magically fall all over you. If a girl isn't interested in you, assuming attraction won't be enough to flip her. But if you approach them confidently, most women will be at least a little intrigued and open to you. By assuming attraction, you’ll filter out all the women who wouldn't have been into you anyway, and give yourself a much better chance of attracting the women who are at least open to you. What's crazy is your reality starts to reflect your beliefs, and when you assume women are attracted to you, you'll start acting like it. You'll make more innuendos, lead women, and put yourself in a position to succeed. You'll be more comfortable interacting with women because you won't be worried about picking up on their signs of attraction. (pg. 40)

As I always say, if you point out a girl and tell me to approach her now, I can do it – no problem. But if you point out a girl and tell me to approach her in 5 minutes? That's a whole different ball game. It's going to be a lot tougher because I'll be building it up in my head for those five minutes, as opposed to if I just took immediate action. (pg. 48)

Looking for a great line to use? Say this: “Hey, I know this is really random, but I saw you walking by and thought you were cute. So I had to say hi. I'm Jared.” By delivering it slowly, you'll come across as more confident and she'll hang on to your words. By shaking her hand, you'll initiate physical touch from the beginning, which will make her more comfortable with you. Going direct is powerful because it shows confidence, and if she stays in the conversation, it's a sign that she's at least somewhat interested in you. (pg. 54)

The slower you talk, the more you will captivate women. The faster you talk, the more you signal that you're insecure. As a rule of thumb, slower is better. When you slow your speaking and your movements down, you'll come off as more competent and appealing. (pg. 61) 

Eye contact is powerful – the brain sends out relationship-building chemicals when you make eye contact with somebody. When she’s speaking to you, you should be looking into her eyes about 90 to 95% of the time. Only look away when she's looking away. (pg. 68)

Here are the three tips to effective flirting: hold strong eye contact, talk slower, smile. Below the surface, be thinking, “I'm okay if she picks up on this vibe, she is attracted to me, I choose the women I want in my life.” This takes some work, but once you start communicating with intent, your conversations with women will transform. (pg. 88)

When you have the opportunity, insinuate that the girl is hitting on you. You do this by twisting her words and making it seem like she's trying to turn you on. In this way, you position yourself as a prize and position her as a pursuer. Find ways to say, “Are you trying to seduce me?” “Are you hitting on me right now?” Teasing is about being self-amused and light-hearted. You should be enjoying yourself, and not aiming to impress her with the quality of your jokes. Teasing should help you connect with her and also express your personality. Don't be afraid to start of the line with the occasional crude joke or sexual innuendo. It's okay to take risks, and fortune favors the bold. Remember, you want to reverse the rules. Girls are used to being the prize, but when you accuse her of hitting on you, you flip the script. Now she's the one trying to seduce you. (pg. 94)

Always try to sit next to a girl on a date – when you're having drinks with her for a date, always aim to sit at the bar with her. This way, you can sit next to her rather than across from her. Also, touch her in the right places. The best places are the elbow, upper arm, and the small of her back. Try to touch her early in the conversation – the easiest way to do this is with a handshake or a hug and an introduction. By touching her immediately, you set a flirtatious tone for the conversation. You've broken the physical barrier. (pg. 106)

Remember, talking about yourself activates the same pleasure centers of the brain that are associated with food and money. The more she talks about herself, the more connected she'll feel to you. (pg. 124)

Here are three qualities you should highlight: Adventure - Women love spontaneous men. They want the kind of guy who's going to make them feel alive, challenge them, and excite them. Not the kind of guy they can easily predict. Sense of humor – women like a man who can make her laugh and make light of situations, versus those men who take themselves too seriously. Appreciation of beauty – men who appreciate beauty usually genuinely love women. What's more, they also tend to enjoy a good intimacy. (pg. 143)

When interacting with a beautiful woman, a lot of things can be going through your head: does she like me? Should I try to kiss her? What should I talk about? What if she thinks I'm boring? All of these thoughts rob you of being in the moment – and she can sense it. Instead of focusing on these thoughts, focus on appreciating her beauty. For me, it always brings a smile to my face and leads me to make strong eye contact. It also allows me to be more free-flowing and in the moment as well. (pg. 175)