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Book:  Models

Author:  Mark Manson

Purchase:  Print | eBook | Audiobook

Citation:  Manson, M. (2016). Models : attract women through honesty. United States: M. Manson.

Three Big Takeaways:
  1. If a non-needy man meets a woman who rejects him or is not interested in him, he will assume that it was either an incompatibility or that it was just not the right situation. Either way, he will see it as the right thing to have happened. His life will go on. (pg. 27)

  2. Our primary strategy with women is polarization. The idea is that the more forthright you are about who you are, how you feel, and what you think, the more this is going to weed out unreceptive women from the receptive women, as well as push neutral women to get off the fence and decide how they feel about you. The amazing thing about polarization is that the simple act of doing it demonstrates non-neediness and will then inspire more neutral women to become receptive. (pg. 78)

  3. The theory of demographics is simple and easy to remember: like attracts like. You attract what you are. If you're a successful professional who travels, has money, and dresses well, chances are the type of women you're going to naturally meet and attract in your everyday life are going to be similarly educated, similar looking women with similar interests and similar success. When demographics don't match up, then it causes friction, Which prevents attraction from turning into intimacy. If you focus your time and energy on meeting women in situations where they are likely to share your values, interests, and needs, then you're going to not only experience a much higher degree of success, but you're going to meet women you enjoy a lot more. Remember, if there is too large of a demographic mismatch, then the friction will be incredibly high, and no matter how attractive you are, she will not be able to connect with you. (pg. 99)


Other Key Ideas:​​​​

A man's attractiveness is inversely proportional to how needy he is. The less needy he is, the more attractive he will be to women on average. The needier he is, the less attractive he will be to women on average. Neediness is when a man places a higher priority on others perceptions of him than his perceptions of himself. Non-neediness is when a man places a higher priority on his own perceptions of himself than the perceptions of others. To most women, a man with no neediness is like a woman with the perfect body. To a woman, a man with a lot of neediness is like having the worst breath and missing teeth. (pg. 11)

There's a world of sub-communication going on behind a man's honest declaration of his interest in a woman. And it's an attractive one. Because when a man comes right out and says he's interested in a woman, the sub-communication is actually, I'm totally okay with the idea of you rejecting me, otherwise I would not be approaching you in this manner. Therefore, I'm comfortable with myself and my prospects. (pg. 45)

With most of the women you meet, things are simply not going to work out no matter what you do or say. This is to be expected. And this is fine. You are going to be incompatible with most of the women in the world. Incompatibility is a fact of life. No matter how you behave or what you're into, the majority of women out there at any given time are simply not going to be interested or emotionally available to you. Our job is not to attract every woman, but to screen for women with a high potential of being attracted to who we really are. (pg. 62)

The goal with neutral or “undecided” women is to polarize them through your words and behaviors. This may mean flirting with them or teasing them. It may mean asking her on a date. Whatever it is, the goal with neutral women is to take an action that forces her to make a decision about how she feels about you. Which side she polarizes to is far less important than actually taking action. Remember, if you leave her to neutrality, she will usually become unreceptive and not see you as dating material. The longer you wait, the harder it gets and more likely she will become unreceptive to you. (pg. 68)

A woman who reciprocates your advances will do something to respond positively. Think of it as her signaling to you that she accepts you advancing on her and likes it. If you touch a woman on the back and she wants to reciprocate, she will either lean back into you, lean closer to you, or touch you in return. Most interested women will reciprocate on small signals to show you that they're interested in you. Catching on to how women reciprocate and noticing the signals is something that you develop with experience, but it shouldn't be too hard if you know what to pay attention for. (pg. 69)

The goal with unreceptive women is to identify them and move on as quickly as possible. They’re time sinks. Typically, if women are unreceptive, they're unreceptive for a good reason, and it has little to do with you. You're almost never going to change the mind of an unreceptive woman, and even when you do, it's often not worth the effort. (pg. 70)

Men struggle with rejection. When girls say, “I have a boyfriend,” some men seem to get obsessed about whether this is actually true or she's just saying it to reject him. It's not about whether her statement is factual or not. It's about her intention, which is, “I'm not interested.” Take that at face value and move on. There's no point in trying to win a girl over who was willing to lie about something like that to you. (pg. 73)

One of my favorite questions to ask in neutral situations is, “What's your favorite thing in the world?” Women who share interests with me give me an opportunity to see if we have anything in common and get them to be receptive. Women with whom we have no shared interest I drop very quickly and go on to meet someone else. (pg. 75)

A man who is uninhibited about expressing his emotions and what he wants will demonstrate non-neediness, thereby attracting a woman and immediately forcing her to decide whether she's receptive or unreceptive. You'd be surprised how many women will respond with attraction to nothing other than a man who is bold and willing to stick his neck out. (pg. 79)

As soon as you realize that 95% of this attracting women stuff has nothing to do with you, is the moment you become free to pursue what you want without hesitation or fear. There are a million reasons completely outside your control and at any given time in terms of why a woman is not interested., A large chunk of the women you meet and talk to are going to be experiencing one of them. The best you can do is let it go and remember: it's not about you. This is why we polarize women as soon as possible. This is why we approach women looking to see if she fits our values and needs and not the other way around. (pg. 84)

When it comes to age, studies show that men's physical attractiveness peaks around 31 (a luxury considering that women peak around 21), and that our physical attractiveness recedes far slower than it does for women. In fact, studies have found that the average 45 year old male is still considered as physically attractive as the average 18 year old male. The main reason is that studies have also found that women judge a man’s status far less on actual physical dimensions and far more on style, grooming, and how men present themselves. As men, we're extremely lucky in this regard. A nice suit with a professional haircut will bump a man up 50% in the looks department overnight. (pg. 109)

The more money/looks/success you have, the less attractive behavior you need. The less money/looks/success you have, the more attractive behavior you need. (pg. 111)

Remember, status is ultimately determined by demographics. At a college house party, a burly 20 year old kid who crushes beer cans on his head is going to have a high level status to the girls there. But at an opening at a local art gallery, he is going to have almost none. A successful stock trader who wears Armani suits is going to have high status at his firm's annual Christmas party and little status at a hippie music festival. It's all relative. The key is to recognize your personal interest and strength, and build upon those personal interest and strength to quickly attract women in your preferred demographic. (pg. 111)

If you are the man who walks into a room and everyone stops what they're doing to talk to you, then the women in the room are more likely to perceive you as high-status and be attracted to you. Your goal is to cultivate as much social proof within your demographic as possible. For instance, if you are a high-powered executive at your firm, then you have a large degree of social status and social proof at work. Chances are, the women who work with you are going to have some degree of attraction for you. But if you go to a bar on the weekend and know nobody there, then your social status is back to nothing. You're just another man there. (pg. 112)

Not everybody is born good-looking. But any man, with some time and effort, can become attractive. For some reason, many men believe that their physical appearance is set in stone and they rarely have any interest in altering it or making any major changes. The difference between being perceived as stylish and unstylish is night and day. A massive makeover and wardrobe change can make meeting and dating women three times easier literally overnight. (pg. 117)

There are two big factors on your appearance: Fashion and Fitness. Bar none, Fitness and fashion will do more to attract women in a short amount of time than anything else you can do. Being in decent shape and dressing well will make every phase of the process easier and smoother, from meeting women, to attracting them, to getting physical with them, to dating them. They're literally is no downside to either one. (pg. 118)

Why do women spend so much time and effort on their appearance? Why do they go to bars and join dating sites? They don't just do it so they can revel in rejecting a bunch of guys. They're just as lonely and frustrated as we are. They want to find a man, but not just any man, a great man. A man who is confident, charming, and fun. A man who is not needy, vulnerable, and will openly express himself to her. She wants you to be that man. She's secretly rooting for you. She doesn't want to reject you. Every time a new man walks up to her, she secretly saying to herself, “Please please please be the man. Be the attractive man that I can't say no to.” They go out looking for the man who can make them feel more alive. Know that the next time you make your move, that she's already rooting for you. Secretly, she wants you to succeed as much as you do. And for a moment, she's your biggest fan. (pg. 153)

When you do something that is unusual such as approach a woman in a strange location or invite her out with you after just meeting, it's important to communicate that you realize what you're doing is abnormal. “You know, I've never done this before, and I know we just met, but I'd love to take you out.” “Excuse me, this is kind of random, but I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you.” (pg. 162)

Remember, greater boldness leads to greater polarization. This is yet another argument for behaving in an assertive manner. This is also why I tell men to err on the side of assertiveness. Whenever you're in doubt of what you should do, err on the side of assertiveness. Choose the bolder action. Because if you wait around for the safer and less bold opportunity to make a move on her, chances are the attraction will be less or may even dwindle. (pg. 163)

There's no such thing as a man who is adored by women who isn't also creepy some of the time. If you are a man who expresses himself freely, some women, some of the time, are going to find you creepy. It's simply unavoidable. No matter how cool, rich, good-looking and charming you are, at some point, somewhere a woman is going to be creeped out by you. Live with it. As long as you're respectful in how you express yourself, there should never be a serious problem. (pg. 169)

The exact words you say to a woman are far less important than your intentions and level of anxiety. 90% of the time when I meet a new woman, I simply say, “Hi, I'm Jared.” I then followed up with, “I wanted to meet you.” And if I'm feeling particularly bold, I'll say, “I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you.” I've noticed that the longer I hesitate and stare at the girl before I approach her, the more likely I am to be rejected. The best approaches I ever do are when I don't think about it and I spontaneously just walk up and say hello. Finally when you approach, smile. Always smile. Lean back and stand up tall. Speak loudly yet clearly. Make strong eye contact. Introduce yourself and stick out your hand. Give a firm handshake. That is being a confident human being. (pg. 182)

Would you ask for her phone number, don't come up with a fancy line or make up a reason. Just ask for it. If you're attracted to her, you shouldn't be afraid to hide it. If she's attracted to you, she'll be more than excited to give it to you. Remember, flakes happened to everybody. Get used to it. There are simply too many things going on in most attractive women’s lives to figure out why each one flakes. You're better off just letting it go and moving on. In the end, it comes down to the fact that if she likes you enough, she'll find a way to make it happen. (pg. 204)

Don't try to get fancy or cute in your text. If anything, being cute and trying to impress her will only hurt you, as it will come across as needy and unattractive. One of the quickest ways to lose a girl is by texting her stuff that’s way too try-hard. When in doubt, be plain and to the point. This often disappoints some guys. They get really excited about sending fancy or brilliant texts, as if it will magically change a girl's mind on a dime. Don't bother. It almost never works. Get her to meet up as soon as possible and then do all the heavy lifting in person, where you can interact physically. (pg. 204)

Good date locations are locations that are active, participatory, and allow for touching and flirting. On our dates, we are doing things, lots of things. Our level of intimacy with one another doesn't just come from how much we talk about as much as it comes from the experiences we share. These dates are designed to create as much mutual experience as possible in the least amount of time as possible. (pg. 209)

Getting physical with women, and getting physical quickly and comfortably, will get you lots of girlfriends and is the most integral piece of seduction and dating women. If you have it, you will constantly have options. If you don't, you will spend a lot of time alone. Being physical with women is a necessary habit that most men who are poor with women never do. Most men are a bit shy when it comes to making moves: touching, the first kiss, etc. From now on, you need to be an assertive and dominant guy and have no shame about it. Women actually prefer for you to be this way. (pg. 215)

There are two reasons for being physically assertive with women. The first is polarization. You want to establish whether she's interested in you as soon as possible. The second reason is that being physical is bold and a highly attractive form of flirting. As you are having a conversation with her, lightly touch her on the arm, near the elbow. The best way to touch is to integrate physicality into your conversation. For example, using games such as thumb wars, twirling her like a ballerina, or giving high fives are great ways to initiate physical contact. As the conversation goes on, the better things are going, the more you want to be touching, and the more personal you want your touches to be. (pg. 216)

Start looking for the signals that women give to indicate they are interested in you. View these signals as green lights when they come up: Non-Accidental Eye Contact: When in doubt, assume it’s not accidental. Even if she’s looking at you 10% more than the average stranger, she’s at least somewhat interested in you. Smiling: If eye contact means she’s interested, this means “you better come talk to me!” She Approaches You: This goes without saying, but if a woman approaches you, chances are she has some interest in you. Proximity: When a woman places herself near you when she doesn’t have to. Excessive Smiling/Laughing: When you notice these things, chances are she likes you. Flipping/Playing with Hair: Classic signal of flirtation and often done unconsciously. (pg. 217)

When it comes to kissing a woman, if you think you can kiss her, you probably could have 10 minutes ago. We men are horrible at gauging a woman's sexual desire and when she's ready to move things forward. In general, it's safe to assume that anytime you think you could kiss her, you probably already could have. It's much better to try and kiss her and get rejected than to go the whole night without making a move and never knowing what would have been.The rule of thumb is, when in doubt, go for it. (pg. 219)

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