How to Handle Criticism

One trait of effective leadership is the ability to embrace criticism. 

Embracing criticism is the willingness to listen to and consider criticism, feedback, or suggestions without becoming defensive or taking it personally. And while it’s never easy to hear, effective leaders understand significant professional growth is impossible without receiving occasional criticism.

Unfortunately, many leaders struggle with this concept. Rather than listen with an open mind, prideful leaders shut down the moment they realize the feedback they are hearing is critical in nature.  

Making matters worse, many leaders take criticism personally. School leaders are notorious for holding grudges towards individuals who provide even the slightest of critiques.

Consider the administrators you work for: Would you feel comfortable sharing feedback that is critical of their performance?

Sadly, very few school leaders create an environment where others are empowered to share constructive feedback.

Effective leaders understand significant professional growth is impossible without receiving occasional criticism.

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Toward the end of my first year as a superintendent, I spent several weeks developing a document that would serve as our district’s strategic plan.

When the document neared completion, I asked our leadership team for feedback. Although I encouraged their suggestions, I didn’t think anyone would actually take me up on my offer. So imagine my surprise when two instructional coaches asked for a meeting to discuss the document.

When I met with the employees, they provided several suggestions for improvement. On the outside, I nodded my head and smiled upon hearing their critiques. But on the inside, I was fuming: “Do they realize how much time I put into this document? If you think you can do better … be my guest!”

We met for about 30 minutes. With each passing comment, I grew more agitated. Not only was I annoyed with the coaches for thinking they were smarter than me, I was frustrated at myself for asking for feedback in the first place.

When the meeting ended, I thanked the employees for their time and gave them a (fake) smile as they left my office. As they drove away in their cars, I couldn’t help but think of the hours that were wasted if I agreed to make the changes.

It took a week until I was mentally prepared to revisit the strategic plan. But when I did, I realized the criticism was warranted. My draft was far too wordy and would be difficult for most employees to follow. The instructional coaches were accurate in their feedback that the strategic plan needed to be understood by all employees, not just teachers.

I spent several hours revising the document based on our coaches’ feedback. And in the end, the document was outstanding. Not only did our strategic plan resonate with our stakeholders, the final product was used as a model for other school districts around the state.

A couple weeks later, I sent the following email to both employees, thanking them for having the courage to share their constructive feedback:

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Another example of willingness to accept criticism happened during the summer of 2020. It was during this time that school leaders were tasked with developing plans for returning to school during the COVID-19 pandemic. These decisions were not easy and heavily criticized in many communities.

Prior to the start of school, I met with a group of upset parents who did not agree with our school district’s plan to begin the year with remote teaching and learning as opposed to on-site teaching and learning. And based on the intelligence I had received, these parents were livid and out for superintendent blood.

Sure enough, when the meeting began the parents immediately began criticizing a number of our decisions. One by one, each individual rattled off a laundry list of complaints toward the district.

Although the comments were general in nature, I couldn’t help but take the feedback personally. I badly wanted to blurt, “Since when did YOU become an expert on leading a school? What if I showed up to YOUR work and began criticizing YOUR decisions?”

As besieged as I felt, I couldn’t help but recall a passage I had read in Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People which reads, “Even the most violent critic will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener.”

With this in mind, I made sure to show genuine interest in each individual who spoke by establishing eye contact, nodding my head, taking notes, and asking clarifying questions when necessary.

Eventually, fervent hostility gave way to healthy dialogue. The parents did an admirable job describing how the plan for remote learning would impact families, while also offering feasible solutions. By the time our conversation ended, we understood each other’s perspectives and even shared a few laughs.

Later that evening, I received the following message from one of the more outspoken parents: “Thank you so much for sitting down today and listening to some concerns! I’m definitely feeling better about some things. We are lucky to have you here!”

Kelly-C said it best.

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How can leaders encourage others to share constructive feedback? Here are six ideas to consider:

Solicit Feedback: Whenever possible, leaders must tell employees they are open to constructive criticism. I often remind our staff, “The only way I can get better is to understand my blind spots.” Leaders who admit they don't know everything and want critical feedback build trust with followers.

Bite Your Tongue: A fight or flight response is common when we are criticized. But rather than argue, leaders must pay close attention to what is being said. People who get defensive effectively kill any chance of getting feedback from that person in the future. In short, never criticize the criticism.

Body Language: Nonverbal communication plays a huge role in how others perceive you as receiving feedback. Resist rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, and averting your gaze as others speak. Instead use affirmative movements such as maintaining eye contact, nodding your head, and smiling when appropriate.

Express Gratitude: Regardless of how bad it hurts, leaders should express gratitude for feedback. One of my favorite lines to use is, “I appreciate you having the courage to share your perspective.” Even if I don’t necessarily agree with the feedback ... I always acknowledge the individual's point of view.

Don’t Dwell: In the past, negative feedback would put me in a bad mood for days. I've now rewired my brain to view every piece of critical feedback as a blessing in disguise. Assuming your job isn't in danger ... accurate criticism should be viewed as the best feedback you can receive.

Follow-Up: After some time has passed, look for opportunities to tell people how their critical feedback has made a difference. Not only will this build a strong relationship with that individual, you also increase the likelihood of that individual being open to future feedback.

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Let’s be real: receiving criticism is never fun.

However - once you get over the momentary sting – criticism can be enormously helpful. Not only will your leadership improve, you can strengthen relationships in the process.

As Kelly Clarkson once said, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

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If you liked this article, you'll love my books Learning Curve and Turning Points.